hearts on loose.
Monday, July 28, 2008, 7:27 PM
Reflections
As long as you're able to tolerate the imperfections, then everything else would be perfect. ♥I'm sorry I'm bad, I'm sorry I'm blue.
I'm sorry about all the things I said to you,
And I know I can't take it back.
To start this post off, i would like to emphasize that i am certainly not being emo. Well, let's say i'm just thinking. Doing some self-reflection and being real to myself, people around me and most importantly, before God.
Saturday's service made me think a lot. I mean, what Matt said was so very true and i really felt that God was speaking straight into my heart. There has been pretty much a great deal of changes, confusion and distractions recently. So much that i even came to a point that i couldn't take it and just broke down. But well, who knows? He knows. All these things start happening so quickly that i don't even bother to sit down and think. Neglecting my QT, that special time with Him, and some personal time for myself to reflect. What have i done to this life He has blessed me with? *Shrugs*
Well, came up with the following and i do hope whatever i'm saying here won't start a dispute with anyone. If so, please tell me about it.
As mere humans beings, we tend to be emotional, selfish and heartless creatures. Have you ever spoken a word of gratitude to the foreign workers whom had helped build your school, MRT, housing estate etc? Have you ever thank your parents for bringing you into this world, giving you an education, clothes to wear, money to spend and even food to eat? Have you ever thank your teachers for the notes/slides they've prepared and was even willing to burn the midnight oil as they prepare all these for you, just so you could be promoted to the next level of education?
Well, i'm pretty sure 70% of you have not.
We often made fun of these foreign workers by laughing and creating jokes about their nationality, race, religion etc. We often blame our parents for the 'unneccessary' naggings they give us everyday, blame them for the money-not-enough problems, blame them for not letting us go out with our friends, blame them for internet/computer usage issues, blame them for this, blame them for that. We often give those teachers that 'find trouble' with us names that are not so nice to hear, complain when they give too much homework, give them attitude when they reprimand us for something we actually did wrong but refuse to acknowledge our mistake.
Guess what, i'm actually one of them as well.
I can't call myself a goody two shoes just 'cos i said all those and 'try to make others feel guilty', when i'm actually one myself. That's not my intention and definitely not the reason why i'm saying all this. It's a fact i don't know how to appreciate all that at first. But someone made me see the light, and find myself again.
It's so hard to be yourself and to listen to God's words, especially when you obviously know what's right and what's not. Here's the part when someone tries to come in and destroy everything i have built with God. Let's just call it the voices, shall we? These voices come in every now and then, mess up my thoughts and turn my life upside down. It's so hard, really it is.
Being a normal teenager, it's so hard not succumb to peer pressure. With things changing so quickly, there's barely any time to slow down and think straight. And it's also because of this reason out of the many ones, that had caused a dispute between me and someone so close to me.
Perhaps some of you should know and i'm not afraid to say it out. He is my cousin and you bet i'm like how affected by it. For the sake of this matter, his pride and everything else that i've taken into consideration i won't go into details. But i would like you to know that what you've done in the past few months really broke my heart. I don't know how others would see it but the way i do, nothing compares to seeing someone like you behave this way. You'd prolly say the exact same thing about me. Go on, cos i think we need to talk this out too. Nothing beats having a heart-to-heart talk and i don't think we should keep anything from each other. I thank you for your utmost concern when i broke down today. I love you the same and i really don't wanna carry on with this cold war any longer.
"JESUS loves you, I LOVE YOU TOO! :)"
Thank you, JCYW. ♥
I need to get well soon, so sick of being sick.
Goodnight.
By the way,
Happy birthday, Daddy! ♥
You're the best, ever. I give you my word, that i would train hard for Queenscup, next year's South Zone and most importantly, be your good girl. I shan't give you anymore problems like how i did last year with Mr Toh. Cross my heart! (: Love you many many!
With love always, me. ^^
Tag replies:
Liling; I know right, he rocks. :D
Daddy; Yeah i have plently! We can take more before/during/after training this week. :D
Marge; Hey babe! Linked you up already. <3 (:
Labels: Jesus, school/friends, thoughts
Charmaine is God's Child.
(I am far from perfect. But i will be perfect for that imperfect someone who is perfect for me.)
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"Above all else, guard your heart, for its the wellspring of life."
-Proverbs 3:12