hearts on loose.
Tuesday, July 21, 2009, 11:11 PM
Invade my heart
It feels like a daily routine i'm going through. School, doze off in classes, laugh, eat, play, study, home, facebook, study, sleep. I want to be like the those animals that hibernate in winter. They do so to keep their bodies warm and well, stay alive for that matter of fact. But for me, i just want to shut myself off from this world. The globe is spinning so quickly i can hardly have a second to stop and think. I can't even feel my own heart beating. What more about caring for the people around me and their feelings? Sometimes it seems like you're just a walking corpse even though you hang that smile on your face. It's an irony isn't it? People never seem to notice how messed up you are beause they think you're the kind that is worry-free. What rubbish. And then when they sense some sort of prominent sign that spells "i'm having a bad day" all over your face, they give you a pat on your shoulder and tell you to cheer up cos tomorrow will be a better day. Oh not forgetting the hot favourite: it'll all be alright. Personally and very honestly speaking, i'd rather you just leave me alone than telling me all those. Unless you've got something clever(or different) to say, then please, just leave me alone. I'd appreciate that tyvm.Speaking about appreciation, i guess sometimes, there really isn't any point in helping those who don't even want to help themselves. What for try so hard, when even our best efforts are not enough? In fact, even the best people aren't enough. So what if you're the school grass/flower, scholar or the geek? It doesn't make any difference. You still face the same consequence, we all do. Worst case scenario: just when you've put all your heart and soul in wanting the best for the other party, he/she just turns their back at you and tells you to f off. Wow. So much for some appreciation huh? Not to mention some don't even bother to breathe a 'thank you'. It's pretty funny actually, if you could see it the way i do. When some people go crazy over their crush and slit wrists/jump buildings/bang walls, or in other words do all things possible in this world in order to get their attention and try to be the 'best' they can be to get their love reciprocated, they can never give the same 'best' attitude towards other people. It's a weird contradiction, no? When these people put on a front and go against the odds for 'the love of their lives', they treat the people(who could actually be those that would probably stay around for the longest time) around them like a piece of dirt and trample all around them. I feel so amazed, really.
Sometimes, i feel like i care too much. And all my heart and soul has been ripped apart, over and over again - until nothing's left. I don't have a choice. But this is getting so mundane and it's draining all the life out of me. I'm tired of fighting. Whoever said that it's something worth fighting for, let me tell you its a lie and you'll end up blinded by it. It's like you're running, running so fast till you lost all direction and you don't know which way to go even though the directions are crystal clear. Or perhaps, i'm really just running on empty.
Labels: thoughts
Charmaine is God's Child.
(I am far from perfect. But i will be perfect for that imperfect someone who is perfect for me.)
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"Above all else, guard your heart, for its the wellspring of life."
-Proverbs 3:12