hearts on loose.
Saturday, October 25, 2008, 11:40 PM
Prayer
You who calmed the raging seas,That came crashing over me.
Blessed 15th, Isaac!
I guess i've said almost everything in that seven messages long sms already. Still, i hope you read every word carefully and understand what i'm trying to say. He knows best what you're going through and knows you from the inside out. I pray that you will never give up on Him, hold on tight to your faith and never let anyone take over His #1 position in your heart. Remember, it's always never too late.
He loves you, and so do i.
love, me.
I guess i've said almost everything in that seven messages long sms already. Still, i hope you read every word carefully and understand what i'm trying to say. He knows best what you're going through and knows you from the inside out. I pray that you will never give up on Him, hold on tight to your faith and never let anyone take over His #1 position in your heart. Remember, it's always never too late.
He loves you, and so do i.
love, me.
Today's service was beyond description. My heart felt so heavy like a stone acting as a barrier between me and Him. I didn't intend to accept the call for the exact same reason, that i'm not worthy enough. I keep breaking those promises made to Him and neglecting Him in almost every aspect of my life. How was i able to accept His selfless love when i keep being so selfish? Nevertheless, i stood up with the help of the last 1% of courage left, and eventually finding myself kneeling at the front of chapel. I'm tired, really really tired. I'm tired from wanting to please everyone. I'm tired from going against the person whom i'd call Mother. I'm tired from encouraging others with words that i cannot seem to encourage myself with. I've no more strength left. You'll never know the face behind that mask, will you? I hate it when self doubt fills up my mind, so much that i'm actually suffocating. Every time someone says something relating to that incident, it'll automatically flicker off that particular memory i never wanted to remember. It's so hard to accept the fact, even after four years had past. I ask Him the same question just now. Why? Why me? I know it's not something that i want, it's something that You want. All i ask is for an answer, something been waiting four years for that has yet to be answered. Indeed, patience is a virtue. But time's not what that matters, what matters is faith that i'm lacking. It's like trying to find a needle in a sack. Impossible? Perhaps. To find out if there'll be light at the end of the tunnel, takes courage to be willing to continue to walk through the remaining of the journey in that tunnel first.
Even if the world turns their back on me, i know You'll love me the same.
All I ask is for Your healing.
Please, God, come and calm this storm for me.
Labels: birthday, Jesus, thoughts
Charmaine is God's Child.
(I am far from perfect. But i will be perfect for that imperfect someone who is perfect for me.)
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"Above all else, guard your heart, for its the wellspring of life."
-Proverbs 3:12