hearts on loose.
Thursday, December 31, 2009, 5:10 PM
Two thousand 9
(Chants)
I will not let the last few hours of my 2009 be emoz. I will not let the last few hours of my 2009 be emoz. I will not let the last few hours of my 2009 be emoz. :)
Hiiiii, i'm waiting for B to come pick me up naooo. I've got so much to say about how this year has been and how the many changes and massive roller coaster rides i've sat through this year made me someone i never thought i would have become. I wouldn't say i'm stronger now, but i can definitely say that without Jesus, i can easily fail all the crap that come my way.
Well, I began my 2009 with shit, and i will not allow my 2010 to begin like how it was this year. ^^ There are so many things to be thankful for. And i shall do just that when i'm back!
edit at 2030, 3rd Jan '10:
"It takes one to forgive for forgiveness to start." -flying man
Well well, the past few days has been filled with tremendous drama. And when i say drama, trust me, it's really dramatic. From having a heartache to watching beautiful fireworks in front of my very eye, to being blind to getting new coloured contact lens to using an old school nokia phone, to tears overflowing like some spoilt tap, to clearing the air with the people i really love and realising that this year's gonna be my best year, cos i'm going to grow. Not just literally, though i'd really like to be a little less broke and taller perhaps, but what's most important for me now is to really grow up and be more sensible. I guess B is right, no point crying over spilled milk, just do something to make it all better. And yep, this year, despite all the drastic changes that are about to happen, i resolute to maintain close relationships with all the people i love. (Which you would see after i finish typing all this hehehe) Most importantly, i'm going to become a woman(yes woman), after my God's own heart.
1. God and family.
K, so apparently i can't upload a picture of God. But here's my family. A really old picture btw, like a year and three months ago at Jie's 21st birthday. Oops, now you know how old she is. :O But that's not the point heh. Point is, i'm thankful i still have both my parents with me despite some facts that i still don't really want to let sink into my brain, and how God has been faithful in keeping be alive and kicking through all the torment in 2009. Especially the sister, though we quarrel so much and fight over the smallest issues like not asking when i take her bag etc(she does that to me too btw), at the end of the day she's still my big sister and i'm still that little sister that needs pampering. :p2. School peepo: Pop pop poppins!
This year's gonna be tragic. We're all going different ways! They say the bigger your group is, the harder it's gonna be for them to stay close. But hey, we're gonna prove them wrong alright? Whether it's jc or poly, the six of us are gonna stay together until we become mothers and have children. I want two girls and two boys. So you all better help me look after them ok!! Princess fishball can teach my girls ballet, Manda can help me scold the boys(since she has a younger brother to torture everyday hahaha), nicole and teach my girls how to be ladies, drink tea and be merry and my boys to be good men to women, Wee can smile and laugh at absolutely nothing funny so my children will learn to be happy people too and Lou can do anything but teach my girls to shop like crazy! Hahaha i am joking. Love you all very much :*3. Wormz, gohys and the ah lianz
2009 was a year of bonding and well, many heart wrecking issues too. But i guess without you three, i wouldn't have understood the meaning of true NONSENSE. First of all, basketball wouldn't have been as much fun without enik teo. And though things are really different from how it was before, trust me, i have never forgotten all the crazy things we've done. Especially our little secret adventure. It has still remained a secret, for me at least. Sometimes i can't help but laugh at myself when i think about it haha! And most of all, the tears we shed tgt, for the same type of people we were blind enough to fall for. You've indeed made giving up on tkj much easier. :) Next, the two boys. Honestly right, i have never seen you two until i came to sec three! 3D/4D was definitely better with you, gohys. All the htht was worth it, and the aimless walks around the school. You don't tell me much, but i can see it from the way you speak. It's simple like that. No matter what happened you are always there. Remember that day at vivo? After we failed trying to study and went outside for a breather and things started crumbling down..you were there, and i'm really thankful you stood by me all these while. My promise to you still remains valid k? 24/7!! K, and for the wormz. I can never say thank you enough, nor can my 'sorrys' be really sorry enough. But you get what i mean. I guess my text to you last night probably gave you a shock cos it came so suddenly but yep that's how i feel and i just want you to know that you can never be replaced cos no one can ever be an undulating worm like you do! Hahaha. So in other words, you three mean something to me. ;)4. Syah + Alawiyyah
There's so much to say but i guess what i can never forget is Syah aka the head prefect who doesn't behave like one, instead she tries to hard to behave like a man which eventually fails because she's so much like a girl. K this sounds weird cos she is a girl but trust me she's more than a girl i tell you. This person here has crazy raging hormones. And i don't know why but its always the tears that make people grow close to one another. I remember Syah and i crying over benedict and tkj during our sec three and immature days. Haha those were the days..but i can safely say you're an awesome girlfriend. Esp table-partner, when we sleep together during Mdm Teoh's lessons and try hard to keep awake during Mdm Nur Laila's. :p And siti, the most vivid memory i have(idk why) but it was crying tgt too. Omg why am i such a crybaby HAHA. Remember sec three when we were at clarence field and all of a sudden we just cried? Gosh.. And for all the times we went crazy for POA together. Don't ever feel that you're not good enough ok! Don't think no one loves you(i read your tweets), because you know i do. We live quite nearby actually and you know my number, so just text me whenever you feel like you need someone to talk to. I love you two sitis!!6. Benong
K this is the only picture that doesn't have me inside cos i can't find one nice one to put up. ): HINTS: WE NEED MORE PICTURES TGT HAHAHA. Well, I don't know if you'll ever see this cos you're forever not on the com, which is a good thing btw heh. But yep you know clearly all that i want to say and have said so there's nothing much for me to say here. Hm, i guess these seven months were worthwhile cos you taught me things that others can't. Besides all the tandrums i throw and all the things i've said to you that didn't actually go through some serious processing first, forgive me ok? You know i don't mean to say those things nor be a petty little girl. I'm looking forward to many more storms with you cos i know we can pull this through tgt. Me luv you ttm. ;)7. Mr Imran aka Daddy!
Four years in QTSS has been a real torture, with all the many ups and down - may it be bball or personal relationships. But i'm really very very very thankful for all the times you encouraged me with really sweet text messages and making me feel alot better. No other teacher is ever gonna be like you. Who's so ever ready to lend a helping hand/ear and would go to the limits just to help us. Remember the chalet you helped me and putri with? We're so grateful, daddy!! You're indeed one of the reasons why i can't bear to leave secondary school. ): I LOVE YOU!!!8. Churchies: LEHK
Yay it's your turn! I'm so excited i think i will start blabbering but oh well hehehe. You four have been truly a blessing to me in one way or another! I'm so glad to have you girls in my life and for all the absolutely crazy things we do together that make people think we're lesbians or something(i think they're just jealous right!!) and for all the comforting xoxos when i'm down and out. You girls make the hard things easier, because without you, i don't know how i'm able to face these alone. Pastor Chung Kai(correct?) is right, we grow best in a community! So lisa bb, i'm thankful for all the nice talks we have occasionally at the clementi bus stop after svc, and all the things you tell me that others wouldn't get a chance to hear. I'm so thankful i can be the one you share these things with and how comfortable i can be when we talk about it. Eunice bb, for the tiimes we laugh at absolutely nothing and remember the talk we had last new year's eve? I want you to know that things wouldn't be easy, but you bet i will be there to help you through these struggles. Cos i know you'd be there the same way for me too! Hannananah luv for always lending me your shoulder to cry on and praying for me when i lose myself in the midst of all the war that's going through my head. For all the times you understood when others could not see and how funny it is when you're always the one beside me when i cry during service. I want to go thailand for missions with you!! Now kris dearie, i know we haven't been catching up and i don't tell you things firsthand, like...you know what. But it's only because i didn't have the chance to tell you at the right time. I want to stayover at your house again and you know i love it when we just lie down and talk talk talk till hours pass. Five years already! And i'm proud of you cos you are able to tolerate my craziness. ;) Oh and i think we should come up with a plan to prevent our mothers from talking about us hahaha! Don't worry too much abt rijc(still sounds weird to me) cos you will do fine. Believe in yourself ok!! Through it all, i will love you four! ♥9. Jonlee + Jerrold
I wanted to name this part 'the J team' hahaha! I guess i must say it is amazing how i got to know you both, through different circumstances of course, and how you both have led me through the difficult times in my life. I think Jon must really know how blur i am at in my studies when the answer is just THERE and i just don't get it, and how Jerrold sees me as real sotong in general. But i must say you two are really super powderful with words, everytime i feel so hopeless and when i'm at the brink of giving up, you guys pop out of the blue and become my fairy godmothers(hahaha sorry i just need to laugh k!) and say things that really make me feel special. The weird thing is, you both are so similiar yet different. And...you can sing! Give me 1/5 of your voice + brain each and i'll be a very happy girl tyvm! ;)10. Esther, ezra, twinny, siuweng, boonchew, jcyw
Well my brain is so blocked but i got so many things to say! Esther luv: it's been a year since i first met you hehe. I'm still happy and proud of the fact that i'm your first friend in WEB! I'm so glad you were able to fit in just fine and made friends with ern, jerome, arvin and all so easily. :) Continue growing in the Lord despite all that may come for you this year. You can ask me about POA or F&N and i'll try my best to recall hehehe. Ezra: You hyperactive crazy boy! WEB is definitely blessed to have someone like you being a part of it. You make worship so much more livelier! Thank you for all your prayers and hugs that never fail to make me feel loved too. :) Twinnyz: Although we haven't been meeting up very regularly, you know what, i'm surprised yet very happy you told me so much about things that have happened. Don't be afraid of being yourself, cos if they don't love you, i will. That you can count on me okay! SSW: Eh you childish boy, mia for how long already! Nevertheless, i can never forget the times we mugged at gwc macs and for all the times you scolded me for being too emotional. You were my pillar of strength at that point of time and i thank you for it, from the bottom of my heart! Btw, stupid girl no more. I'm clever now hahaha!! Boonchew: Best! We keep saying we'll meet up but we never get down to plan it hahaha. You're damn weird, always text me out of the blue but i like it cos we hardly talk nowadays! Study hard and don't be such a nightlifer, you're gonna be 19 this year(omg old man) and so quickly go get a driving licence so you can be my personal chauffer hahahaah. Don't drink and drive k! Jcyw: I guess just one sentence can summarise all that i want to say to you. That is, thank you for being there when no one else did. Really, it's hard sometimes, but you remined me that prayer does work. So i am praying that you won't give up on that man up there when you feel lost too. It's never too late cuz. I love you all hehehe. :D
Ok this shoud be it. I am so tired now and my brain's gonna explode. Goodnight!
Labels: thoughts
Charmaine is God's Child.
(I am far from perfect. But i will be perfect for that imperfect someone who is perfect for me.)
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"Above all else, guard your heart, for its the wellspring of life."
-Proverbs 3:12